He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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