He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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