Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
