Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize