What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
