If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
