My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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