i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
