Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
