Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
