Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
