3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize