i don't like sucking hair
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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