I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize