I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
