Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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