I murdered the dance floor call the cops
thus making me awesome and them whores
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
