wrigley field is MILF paradise
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said her name was "party"
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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