yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
