remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
