Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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