That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
