Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize