I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
