after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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