I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
