he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
ok first of all what the fuck
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
