my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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