You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
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