I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
