Your dad touched me again.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
