i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
a search helicopter?!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
