I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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