You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
