i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
