He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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