We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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