I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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