Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize