Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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