It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
