just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
