if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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