dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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