I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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