I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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