Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize