Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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