the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
