I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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