sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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