oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
