Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you had me at cake vodka
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
