The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How external is "for external use only"?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
