I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize