as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
