Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
