he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
