I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
