Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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