if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
