If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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