why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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