i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
