I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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