And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
