Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
