we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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