Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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