you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
