wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
