Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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