We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
