yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There's even glitter on my cock...
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