she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
