you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
