there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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