I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
