doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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