I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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