Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Randomize
