You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
