i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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