Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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