My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
