That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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