I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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