...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
