It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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