forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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