Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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