i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Randomize
