Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
