be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
