we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
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