The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize