When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
