Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
