I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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