Who did Billy Mays play for?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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