I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize